Head Space

I thought she-- I don't know, I thought maybe she didn't really like me. I know what I've said before and thinking she was just some aloof pers--Goddess. But of course there was a part of me that thought she just didn't really like me, even after finding out she's my mother.
 
I keep calling her that. Mother. She hasn't been one in many senses of the word-- and now I know why. But... I can't, I can't get any hopes I had up that she'd be any different. It would hurt too much and I don't know how much more of that I can handle. Not right now. Not when... not when Ryleigh and I are...
 
Are we fighting? I'm... I said I was angry, but I'm not. I--
 
It hurts.
 
I don't even know if she understands exactly. I do know what she was trying to do but that didn't stop it from hurting. She told me not to take it out on her and she was talking about the anger I have for Unastine. But that wasn't why I wasn't talking to her, why I seemed angry...
 
I AM angry at Unastine. I am so-- I've shoved it so far back in my mind because there's other shit to deal with-- the harm she's done to--
 
I wasn't talking to her because I know I've been taking it out on her whenever I'm hurting, whenever I'm angry. So I-- I tried not to. I tried not to and she--.
 
I thought-- I thought she wouldn't push me away. I thought I'd gotten- I thought we had gotten past that. So wh-what am I supposed to do?
 
I can't just leave her alone
 
I don't know what to do.
 
About any of this.
 
Unastine really? What right does she-- did she have to do that? I never even thought about the fact that no one else progressed. Why would I? I was gone a lot... I stayed away from them.. I didn't notice... how could I not notice?
 
And ME to-- to teach them???
 
I can't, there's no way. Even if-- they hate me.
 
I don't know anything about Mielikki. Nothing.
 
And even if I did... Gunnloda...
 
I can't just... I don't know she couldn't stay in the druid circle. I'd have to tell Mielikki about her. Wouldn't I?
 
I want to but there's no guarantee she won't... she won't do something about it. We might need to tell the others soon...
 
Gunnloda has said time and time again she goes where I go... she'd stay somewhere out in the woods if I asked her to.
 
Will she... will she-- will we get to have that?
 
Will I get to-- will I get to be with her for that long?
 
Or-- no. No. She said now to-- and Takara said-- It's fine. I have now. That's-- that's fine.