Arena Fight

I’m surprised I didn’t shift right then…
 
Hells, I’m surprised I didn’t just hit her
 
I don’t… How could she say that
 
I keep trying and I just make it worse. I guess it’s fitting that the only person who talks to me really is you and Ryleigh, but ...that’s usually when I do something stupid or I go talk to her, she doesn’t usually go out of her way to just… talk to me.
 
Or maybe you’re just the only one I let talk to me.
 
Most of us went out in Riverrun, that was nice right? They weren't... Pretending to be nice, right?
What happened? What did I do?
 
I don’t want to talk to them because I’m so angry… I don't want to say things when I don’t mean them.
 
Would it matter, though? I try to say things and they just… why am I still thinking of trying
 
I don’t know how you put up with me… how do you get anything I say?
 
How do I get them to like me…
 
When I don’t even want to be me
 
 
 
 
I did what I wanted, what I thought I wanted. Then I just...gave up. None of them wanted to fight, but what choice did we have? He said we wouldn’t die. I don’t know why I believed him so readily, but...at least it was the truth. They wouldn’t fight and I… well I wasn’t about to touch you or Ryleigh, so I mostly understand but…
 
Why do I still feel like I’m the bad guy? Like I did something wrong again? How I knocked out Ravaphine was excessive...
 
 
 
And he asked me.
 
He basically had me choose. You or my mother
 
And I didn’t hesitate.
 
When I realized what kind of information he wanted, information I don’t even have, but I knew… he could have told me where my mother was that very moment and I would not have told him anything about you… well except uh the ...ramble I went on about loving you because that might have happened.
 
But I…
 
I didn’t know it would hurt so much. That’s all i’ve been trying to do the last four years. Just find her, remember her… and it’s offered to me just like that for just one answer to a question… I thought I would do anything for that.
 
I’m so glad to know that I can’t.