Speeches, subterfuge and sex offers

We had our ceremony. It was really moving everyone who showed up and cared. Esi seemed like she was frustrated not to be first, but I'm fairly certain she will be on her way upwards soon. Mariama I honestly thought was going to do some good natured disruption, but beyond a very of "Tits out for Nethys" she was surprisingly well behaved. The speech itself I decided to talk a bit about how i viewed magic and why. Illiara's speech was very motivational, she seems to still have her frustrations with how the Magambyaa is run, but is channeling it into a real commitment to make it better. I was proud of her. Ruins speech was also pretty moving, there was just something in the affirmation that she cared about and valued the experiences she's had here...I am definitely biased with regards to that. After the ceremony Jaanatimo gathered us to discuss our future roles, it seems like working with him is going to be the primary method by which we engage with our neew status as conversants, and I am getitng the sense this work is fairly discretionary. I've said it before, but I like the feeling of being proactive.
I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention the two notable developments that happened before tonight's ceremony, firstly there was malnars little prank and my perhaps overly generous revenge. I think Malnar is the type to escalate now that he's gotten comfortable with mischief. And as I am trying not to be uptight, I'm actually going to just enjoy the little childish prank war unless it becomes actively disruptive. Thankfully the rumors he is spreading aren't believable to anyone who would sincerely care, and they also don't make me seem kike *too* much of an asshole, although if people start assuming I'm irresponsible or unfaithful then its going to need to be a proper chat. For now though, sticky fur is the order of the day, although I think the twins decided to spice up my little prank...they are powerful allies in a prank war, and I fully believe they will conquer Golarion with their favours. The twins make me miss my sisters, as does wet...Do I have issues with needing to take care of people?...deal with that later. Anyway
I also decided to just ask Ruin out, I wasn't any closer to figuring out how deep my feelings went on my own, so I decided its better to be honest about what I don't know than staying quiet until I have my answers. She agreed to go on a date with me, but told me she couldn't commit to anything serious, apparently the gaps in her memory mean she isn't sure there isnt already a partner out there somewhere. I appreciated the honesty, and i told her that I didn't know what i wanted yet, but I'd like to find out. Well after our date I still don't know what I want with the following three exceptions: I want to go out with her again. I want to talk to her about her future, I think maybe it wouldn't sour the mood as much to get into personal talk where she has a lot more agency than the past. Lastly I want to kiss her. I think my chances of a second date are reasonably good, I mean she offered to sleep with me so I have to assume it went well despite the awkwardness when I asked about her past. I said no, I do want to work out what I want before I do something like that, after all I don't want tofind out the hard way that I need a serious relationship to have sex comfortably. I am pretty sure I should have asked to kiss her then though...ah well next time.
I feel like a teenager, talking about a crush in my journal, it feels incongruous next to my notes on battle strategies, so in that spirit let me finish this ramb,ing journal entry with this: our true work as conversants of the Mgambyaa will begin tommorrow... and I've agreed to streak after we are done, I have officially been changed by the big city. But honestly that feels like a good thing.