Flights of Fancy

I don't think I'll drink again.
 
It was boring and gross and sad and no one wanted to talk to me about anything aside from not being ready to drink and that was mean and belittiling and I don't wanna participate in things anymore I only really drank coasue Gael was going to and he keeps stepping in wth my frends and Iwant them to be my frinds and talk wit me and be my friends too sdo I have to particpiate in ways like this to stay in their sites so that they dont forget abgout hte little kid who's following them around and trade up to the full grown full dark elf with the magic book and all the answers an d who can actualy be a produtive membr of the team adn they all really like eachother more than any of them like me and its just abig trade up form sad stupid kid to adult with all the ansers and thistle wanted ot put me to bed like achild and she sat with me and only mym oms ever don that when I was sicck and I wasnt sick I was jujt woozy and I still am and I didnt do anything wrong but I got put to bed like a child and thye are all still going to have fun without me and im just in bed pretending to be alseep and writing this down so that they dont worry thistle stayed for hours and it was hard ot pretend to be asleep adn wiat for her to leave so Icould just get my thoughts out in a plac eI feel safe too which is here alone in my mind casue im just a kid wiht kid problme snad everyone elses life is os complicated and sad and imine's just boring and sad and no oone wants to heare bout htat everyone wansts to hear bout themselves an dtheir secrets and their books and their life and im the only one who doesnt wanna know I miss shendra and I want her to tell me everythings going to work out and we'll meake it to xhorhas and we'll be happy and mom and dad are safe but shendra isnt here and gael knows where she is and I hate that becsauae shendra told me everything and was the onlty opeson wocared wabout what I was doing or thinking cause eveyrone else is too busy telling me waht they think is good for me like thistle being lik e"go to bed, im gonna force you" or trill being like "go out and have fun and break open the shell of protection yo u have around yourself" andn tali's teling me not ot break into suspicious rooms and ael is telling me to break into suspicious rooms, and charie, bless her tho, keeps telling me how to be and think adn the onlyo onew who doesn't tellm e waht to do is panlo bu tI think thats cause panlos just kinda oblivios.
 
I donno what eany of this means. I hotae bening in a town thats undregorund I feel so trapped and there is no windows even if you look and im worreid the whol eplace is going to collapse aorund me and ill be stuck in the ground just like that assasin wanted me to be expeact now I'll be trapped unground in a bar with gross drinks and eveyrone telling me what to do and who to be and when to stpop.
 
maybe it woudl be beteren if everting colapsed around me aloneand I was just stuck on my own to figure out evryintg thats going on and then jstb e stuck on my onw nad not have to deal thwiht any of this anymroe cause im underground mand my head is squished but a rock.
 
 
they keep omakng me feel lie a child, when all i want ot do o si be thier frined and keep them safe. thatsa lal I walnt.