A Bow and its Arrow

by Virdan Zandril

So. Trill and Thistle happened.

I'm not surprised. I felt it happening that first night. Heck, I WROTE about it the first night we took watch with Thistle. But I don't know if I was expecting it this early, or this quickly.

I wasnt worried until Ael made me worry about it... Why didn't Trill stop by and say hello, at least. Why didn't she just... make sure I was ok like usual? I was doing good today. I want her to know that. I want her to see that.

I've prepared myself for her leaving. I'm not afraid of it anymore. I just wish she'd give me the time to show her that... that I'm ready for her to leave me. That I'm ready for her to fly off and that I don't need help anymore.

I... dont feel that way already. I don't...feel ready for her to leave just yet... that was a lie...

But today was good. Panlo and I hung out and it was... nice. The girls found us a way through the mountains that's safe, and that's wonderful. I bought Thistle a gift, and I hope she likes it but I don't know what to get somebody. It's a dumb little thing but it reminded me of her and she deserved something for her birthday even if she thinks she doesnt, and she can wear it discreetly. Plus, she got me a bow, so I'll get her an arrow.

I wrote to her. It read:

"You gave me a bow, and I realized that in a lot of ways I am as directionless as an arrow. You push me to do better, and help me be a better person, and so when I think of my bow I think of you not only because you gave it to me, but because you help me, like an arrow, realize my potential, direction, and power. So, if your bow gift reminds me of you, I hope this reminds you of me.

Thank you for being you Thistle. I'll keep doing my best to hit my targets.

Happy Birthday,
Virdan"

It was stupid and sloppy and the metaphor was dumb, but I mean it. Thistle means a lot to me for helping me out like that. I'm... a lot more confident when around her. And thats why I'm really happy for her and Trill. Like... REALLY happy. And I think... I think I know nothing will change between me and Trill and me and Thistle. They'll still be my friends and Trill will still be there for me and so will Thistle, but they'll be there for each other too. It... scares me a bit that I may be losing my conscience to Thistle, and like, I'll miss the devil on my shoulder, but....

do I need that? Have I needed that? Can I ... do this on my own?

I don't know. But we'll be in Xhorhas TOMORROW. We'll be safe... finally... tomorrow. And there will be more travel but...

We will be safe. And...and I can finally relax.

I hope...

I hope we stay together after this. I hope we stick together. I want to say with Charlie and Ael and Panlo and Thistle. And I want to keep fighting along side them, and learning about myself alongside them, and... they just...they're all I have now. Mom and Dad...Iyla...Shendra...

They're gone. I...

I know they are...

I only have this group...

And I need to protect them.

Continue reading...

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Dear Panlo

Dear Charlie

Dear Ael

Dear Gael

Dear Trill

Dear Thistle

Dear Virdan

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A Bow and its Arrow

Continue reading...

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