Nocking the Arrow

I can't believe my plan worked.
 
Invisible Loc running extra fast, turning into a weasle and disguising Veirtree as myself, and escaping the city.
 
Thistle seemed against my plan at first. Seems like she thought we could just walk out of the place. My initial impressions on Thistle have been mixed. On one hand, she seems to know how to handle herself. On the other, I can't help but feel that she's hiding something from me.... but Charlie and Panlo were able to convince everyone my plan would work, and remarkably it did.
 
We picked up Franklin and Bonnie on our way out of Nogvurot. Both animals seem nice. Their original owner told us that Franklin can be ornery but him and I got along really well! Bonnie seemed a bit aggressive towards Thistle despite being the "good" one. I took that as another sign that I should keep an eye out on Thistle. Animals are pretty good judges of character.
 
Levin still worries me as well. He's some sort of cleric, but (after getting a quick look in his bag as a weasle) I noticed he had 3 different holy symbols and a really pure looking feather. Is he hiding something about himself too? All of this has been really fast, and I don't really know what to think of everyone having only known them for half a day. I trust Charlie. Without her I don't know if I would even be here. I'd probably still be in the forest outside Rexxentrum, fighting to keep food in Karyin's and Rholis's stomachs. Her friend Panlo seems trustworthy as well. I don't know much about him, but seeing how Charlie trusts him gives me comfort. Veirtree and Loc have gone through the same thing me and my siblings have. I feel like we have that shared experience to bond us.
 
I haven't gotten a read on Ael yet. There was something to do with her family name? I've heard it before but don't really know that much about her situation. She seems reserved, but also has gone out of her way a few times already to protect Kayrin and Rholis. She seems interested in protecting them, so....
 
I took first watch that night with Thistle and Trill on purpose. I don't know much about Thistle and her stubborness about the escape plan and inability to handle Bonnie had me worried. I'll admit, it is mean of me to think this way. I would hope no one would think these things about me. But I thought if I took watch with Thistle maybe I could get a better read.
 
I think I did.
 
Thistle spent the first part of our watch hunting with Trill. I can't help but feel a bit jealous. Trill is my friend but I never shared a hunt with her before. Trill thrives while hunting, and watching her and Thistle take down those two deer was...impressive to say the least. I haven't really seen that side of Trill before, and seeing Thistle so easily bring it out kind of scared me. I know Trill is one for action, and I don't have a problem with hunting for food or anything, but... I don't know. Maybe it was just jealousy. Trill is my best friend and I guess... I don't want to lose that.
 
Thistle spent the next part of watch teaching me to shoot arrows. I... have little to no interest in the bow. I only went along 1) because I think it may be a useful skill to have while travelling to Xhorhas, and 2) I .... wanted to impress Trill. To show her I CAN go on hunts and participate in that part of her life too. That I wasn't useless and that Thistle wasn't the only one who could hunt with her.
 
I failed that, though. I couldn't even hit a tree from 10 feet away if I tried...
 
And now... I don't know... It seemed like Thistle really wanted to teach me. Like... I didn't feel any malice or get the impression she was trying to embarrass me. I think she really wanted to help. But as I shot more and more arrows into the dirt, every time I nocked the arrow and released it sideways, every time the bowstring cut at my wrist or snapped against my cheek...
 
I ... I felt humiliated...
 
And I know Thistle didn't mean to do that to me. I know it was my incompetence with the bow that embarrassed me but...
 
She reminded me of Trill. A lot. Pushing me to try something I'm really not good at. Pushing me to expand my horizons outwards and pick up a new skill or try a new spell. Pushing me to grow as a person by experiencing new things, even if they're uncomfortable. Her and Trill are a lot alike and that's what I learned about her during our watch.
 
And that just worried me more. About Trill and me losing touch with one another. About Thistle and Trill's budding friendship. I keep imagining Trill sitting on Thistle's shoulder. I keep imagining Thistle whispering to Trill's invisible form. I keep imagining my shoulder empty... my friend moving on...
 
Trill was the only weight on my shoulder I wanted to stay there, but I worry that with all this extra weight there isn't room for her anymore...
 
I don't want to nock an arrow and miss again. I don't want to love someone and lose them again. I don't want to protect someone and fail again. I don't want to carry someone and have them fly away again. I don't....
 
I want my parents back.. I want Shendra back. I want Trill on my shoulder and my mom's staff in my hand. I want my home back. I want my life back...
 
But here I am... traveling to Xhorhas. I've nocked the arrow, I've pulled the bowstring, and now the arrow's started to fly. We're the arrow, and Xhorhas is the target, and.. right now... I don't know if I've missed.
 
I should sleep. It's nearly daylight and my watch has ended. I'll just... curl up near Rholis and Kayrin. Through all of this...I hope we can find a place to be a family again. I hope this arrow hits its mark.