Loc

by Virdan Zandril

It seems like everyone wanted to take watch with Gael. So there I was, staring down Loc. He's quiet and determined. His words meaured and not wasted. And...there was me. Virdan. Quiet but, in a different way. I thought we'd sit there the whole time just... staring at the fire. But of course Trill had other plans.

I asked Loc to train me with fighting stuff. I felt so natural today as the wolf. No one could touch me. No one could hurt me. And I could finally defend the people I care about. I... want to feel that way in my own body. I want to feel natural with Virdan the same way Virdan feels natural as a wolf, or a squirrel, or a weasel.

If I could learn to move myself correctly. Hold myself correctly. Then maybe I could make progress on everything else. On my training as a Druid, on my journey to Xhorhas, on my form with the bow, on my friendship with Trill. But Thistle got bored of me. I don't blame her. I showed no interest in the bow and...it's mostly because I can only think about Trill leaving me when I look at Thistle. She reminds me so much of Trill and I kinda hate that but at the same time Trill and I were friends so maybe there's hope that Thistle doesn't hate me.

But enough about that. I have nothing better to do on these watches but learn to control my own form. My drow form. So I can move like the wild as myself and as animals. I just hate how hard it is to fail.

But Loc is patient. And he doesn't sugarcoat my mistakes. He knows when I fail, how I failed, and what I need to do not to fail. No "you've got this Virdan" no "you can do it just keep trying". None of those statements that make me feel horrible to take the next shot with someone believing in me just to have me miss again and again and again.

Instead it's "Watch your footing. Straighten your spine. Your form is off.". No expectation of improvement. No expectation that the next swing will be the perfect one. Just constant reinforcement of form and theory. Like how my mother trained me.

I'm going to ask Thistle if she can train me again. Maybe.

I really should. But I just hate bows.

Continue reading...

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Loc

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