I Don't Cheat

by Virdan Zandril

I don't even know how to start this one.

How do I...

Thistle's not just tabaxi. She's...she's different.

And I don't care, but she does. Otherwise why would she hide her ears?

I kept her safe. I did what I had to do to keep her secret silent. Gael knows. I know. I think Panlo just thinks we saw some cat-people. Bless him...

But Gael knows. And, I mean, of COURSE he knows. But I saw him smile. He was ready to dig into her life. To talk with her about it. To spy, and investigate, and pry into her life without even have gained her trust. Or any of our trusts.

I argued with him. And... It made me feel so much better. Not because he agreed with me, he didn't. But because I got this out of my head and out in the open.

My issue isn't that he has a book with knowledge. It isn't that he's arrogant, maybe he deserves to be. Its ENTIRELY that he doesn't respect people's secrets. He doesn't understand that you don't... investigate friends. You spend time with them and earn the RIGHT to learn their secrets. He doesn't understand that, and I wanted him to. I don't doubt he's useful, or that he wants to help. I just think his way of... insisting for knowledge over the wants of others is wrong. You can learn people's secrets when they CHOOSE to share it with you. Not just when you want to.

______________________________________________________________________________

I spoke with Gael after everything. Thistle said I should apologize, and I did.

And then it became fireside story time round 2. He told me about his sister, her death, his dreams, and... I think he wanted to draw a connection between the two of us, because he asked me for Shendra's name first.

Maybe he did. A little bit. But, he turned it around in his Gael-ish way. He offered me information about Shendra. And... the fact that he did bothers me. I think I've made it clear. I do NOT want book help with this. I want to experience it. Learn it naturally, here. And I won't change my mind on that.

I hope he understands why. And I hope Trill can learn to respect that.

I don't cheat.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Thistle gave me a bow. It's... mine. Which is... nice. I didn't think Thistle liked me much. And I don't deserve a present like this. But this is mine now. And it's beautiful, in a way. And now I want to give Thistle something but what? I don't know what she wants or needs or even cares about. It both warmed my heart after the day I had yesterday and also completely froze my mind because I don't deserve this and honestly don't know how to return the favor.

But for now, Thistle's secret is safe. And that's what matters.
_____________________________________________________________________________

And we finally made it to Grimgolir. I don't like it. You can't see the sky or the sun. Everything's stone and everyone's drinking. I just want to sleep and head out. I.. don't like cities. I don't like bars. And I don't want to be here for long.

Continue reading...

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I Don't Cheat

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