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Mon 4th Jul 2022 02:34

Regret and shame

by Kit

Dear Karametra
 
I am a mess right now.
 
I have given Nylea's bow to Lhoris. It was not easy. In the process, I lost a friend but managed to pay a debt.
 
Let us start with the debt. When I was younger, Lhoris found me beaten and bleeding in an alley. He saved me and is the reason I am alive today. So, it should have been easy to hand over the bow to him, right? Not so much. I coveted that bow - wanted so desperately to use it. Apparently, its name is Ephixis, but I had already renamed it Lucy (don't tell Nylea when you see her). On watch one night, Lhoris and I discovered that he had extra abilities with the bow because of his bond with Nylea. It made me resent him a little. It was all a little strange too. When Lhoris attuned to Lucy, it felt like there was a hole in my soul. When he returned it, I felt whole. I thought this was Nylea telling me to keep it. (As an aside, I wish you would all communicate a little better - no offense).
 
The night Lhoris rescued me, I made a vow that I would pay back his kindness. That was never going to be easy, because Lhoris never asks for anything. He even told me to keep Nylea's bow, even though I could tell that he wanted it too.
 
When Nylea's bow first appeared, I was not even around. Viridian, thinking it would be perfect for me (the bow is my weapon of choice), took it and generously gave me something that is beyond value and worth more than anything he has ever touched. Before I returned the bow to Lhoris, I told Viridian that I was going to do it. Karametra, I have never seen him look so broken and sad. Viridian is a proud man and it was like I just spat on him. I hate myself right now. I knew that he would react that way and I did it anyway. I did THAT to the person alive I feel closest to, in this world and the other one. That is why I feel I have paid my debt to Lhoris in full.
 
I no longer feel incomplete without Lucy but I do get feel an overwhelming sense of regret at times. But it pales in comparison to my shame at the hurt I have caused. I have no idea how I am going to fix this, or even if I can.
 
Sorry, that was all about me AGAIN. I hope you are well. Shout if you need me. Thank you for all you have done for me - I hope to make you proud.
 
Love
Kit
 
PS - I made a new friend. Her name is Trixiana - she is kind of cool. But I would trade her back for Viridian in a heartbeat.
PPS - Dok and Trixi seem close which is nice to see - his grunts are not as gruff with her.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Continue reading...

  1. Kit in Diamond Lake
  2. My new friends
  3. Tragedy
  4. My head is spinning
  5. Death and things
  6. What happens on the road, stays on the road
  7. Still waters
  8. Spice and all things nice
  9. Speaking in Tongues
  10. The longest day
  11. To dream or not to dream
  12. Two very different women and a King
  13. Nature vs Nurture
  14. Chosen
  15. The Gods are a Little Crazy
  16. I am sorry Carrot
  17. Goodbye Carrot
  18. New World woes
  19. Hang in there Kitty Kat
  20. Abandonment issues
  21. The future
  22. Humbly I pray
  23. Sun in my pocket and the moon in my hands
  24. Do not judge a horse by its handprints
  25. Regret and shame
  26. Endless days
  27. Ouch!
  28. I died
  29. A crisis of faith but the start of something new

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by 3 Armored Kittens · Prodromos v.1.1 - World Anvil 0.9.15.029 © 2017-2024 [en] | Anvil Time: 11:22, Sep 19 2024