4.5. Asgardians of the Galaxy
The Benatar docks at the Proscenium. On board, Drax and a still teenage Groot are complaining about the fact that they have to play security guards while Peter Quill and Gamora get to go on holiday, to which Rocket points out that while he doesn't want to play mall-cop anymore than they do, it is Peter and Gamora's anniversary, and guarding the Intergalactic Summit might be dull but it pays well, so they'd better all be on their best behaviour.
Inside they're greeted by the conference center manager robot, who gives them uniforms to fit, which were obviously not tailored with such a diverse range of body shapes in mind. It also seems upset that Gamora isn't there, as having the most dangerous woman in the Galaxy as security had been in the event plan they'd submitted to their insurance agent. Rocket says if anyone asks, they'll say Mantis is Gamora.
Inside Conference Room 4, the summit is beginning. It is the turn of the Nova Empire to host, so Thoran Rul officially welcomes the Delegates and opens proceedings. The Kymellian delegate, Nymbis Sternhoof, immediately objects on the basis that Emperor Stote of the Zn'rx is missing. Val-Lorr says that he thinks he was going to retrieve some important papers, which Mentacle protests because her mental scans had shown he was actually going to the bathroom. This raises objections from several delegates since non-consensual telepathy is banned under the Pan-Worlds Treaties.
As everyone is arguing. Emperor Stote returns, with a piece of toilet roll stuck to his foot.
Once everyone has calmed down and stopped arguing about the Rigellians, Rul reads the first item on the agenda, the now traditional motion filed to allow the Ravagers to send a delegate to the summit. Everyone votes against the motion except for the Grandmaster, the delegate for the Elders of the Universe, who votes in favour because he says he likes an underdog.
The next item on the list is a motion filed by the Kree Imperium to bring sanctions against the Sons of Koth for interfering in pre-FLT worlds. Noh-Varr objects, unsurprisingly, and says that they have done no such thing, and Val-Lorr will be in for a nasty shock when they get to the motion filed by the SOK to bring sanctions against the Imperium for suppressing the religious freedoms of its citizens. The argument quickly devolves into a recreation of the Kree Civil War in miniature.
Zoralis Gupa objects to two Kree delegates being invited in the first place, when the Galactic Rim Collective only gets to send one delegate who has to represent the needs over 400 individual planets and 300 species, but no one listens to him.
Thor tries to defuse the argument, but when he says that frankly, he thinks the restrictions on interacting with pre-FTL civilisations are too strict. Val-Lorr responds that he would say that, wouldn’t he. When Thor asks what he means, Val-Lorr says that everyone knows that he has a terran pet. The fight redoubles, this time with Thor also yelling as he attempts to defend the honour of Jane Foster.
As they argue, Lani Ko Ako of the Sisterhood of the Badoon quietly asks Sternhoof if this is normal, to which he replies that this is democracy in action.
Eventually Thoran Rul has to use a space-airhorn to get everyone’s attention in order to call a break.
The delegates mill about, chatting and drinking space-coffee. Sternhoof comments to Peacemaker, the Chitauri delegate, that they’re already doing better than the last meeting which was held during the Kree-Nova War, when the Kree delegate had tried to strangle Nova Prime with her own hair. Peacemaker just says “I am the Chitauri delegate” in response to everything Sternhoof says.
Thor goes to the bathroom attached to the conference room. While he’s in the stall, he hears the bathroom door open and someone comes in, muttering to themself about uncivilised off-worlders. Thor, recognising the voice as Val-Lorr, takes the opportunity to tell him that insulting someone’s girlfriend isn’t cool, especially in the middle of intergalactic peace summits. Val-Lorr responds with an explanation of surprise, so Thor continues, explaining that if they all just respected one another, and one another's girlfriends, the whole summit would go a lot smoother.
He doesn't get any response. Assuming Val-Lorr must have left, Thor finishes up his business and leaves the stall... only to immediately trip over Val-Lorr's body. He’s clearly dying, and just has time to say “shape-shifter” before he dies.
The Guardians of the Galaxy are playing cards in the staff break-room when the alarm goes off. They drop their cards and rush out into the corridor, grabbing a passing serving-bot and demanding to know what's going on. The bot tells them that one of the delegates has been murdered. Swearing, Rocket heads off down the corridor at a run, followed by the rest of the team.
When they reach the body, the manager is in the crowd of onlookers. Gesturing them forward, Rocket tells them to put the station into lockdown, no ships on or off, and the manager immediately complies.
Rocket establishes that Thor was the one who found the body, and that only delegates could access the bathroom, so the various entorages aren't suspects. The bathroom is unisex, so all the delegates are potential suspects. He commandeers an empty conference to use for questioning.
After establishing the facts, and a brief argument about whether it was callous or hygienic that Thor stopped to wash his hands before reporting the dead body, Rocket admits that he doesn't actually think Thor did it. Although he'd argued with Val-Lorr, that's hardly enough to constitute a motive for murder, especially when the Nine Realms are notoriously isolationist and have no interest in wider Galactic politics so Thor and Val-Lorr don't have a history.
The Guardians prepare to begin questioning the other delegates, and Thor insists on tagging along to clear his name, despite Rocket's repeated insistence that they don't need his help. Eventually he gives up, telling Mantis that at least if he is guilty, he might slip up and give them a clue if they're watching him.
In a montage, we see the Guardians and Thor questioning the delegates.
Rocket, Mantis, and Thor start with Inndig-O, since she’s the most likely suspect, but she insists she was talking to Mentacle the entire time.
Drax and Groot try to interview Peacemaker, but all he ever says is “I am the Chitauri delegate”, no matter what questions they ask. Throughout the interview montage, we keep cutting back to him, still just repeating the same phrase as Drax tries to trick him into saying anything else.
Thoran Rul says that he was reviewing the minutes and doesn’t have an alibi, which Rocket thinks is suspect, since the Kree and Nova had been at war until recently, but Thoran denies having any motive, saying that he wouldn’t do anything to undermine the peace. He says that his family are from out on the edges of the Empire, and weren’t involved in the war so he’s got no personal stake, he just wants to preserve peace.
When it comes time to interview the Grandmaster, he insists on bringing his bodyguard with him, who Thor seems interested in. Mantis, having spent her life with Ego, doesn’t know what an Elder of the Universe is, so Rocket explains to her that they’re a group of ancient immortals, each one the last living member of their particular species. They tend to have an particular obsession - the Collector collects things, the Profiteer accumulates money, and the Grandmaster is obsessed with games and tournaments, including starting wars to bet on the outcome, although the Grandmaster objects that it’s been years since he did that, he’s quite happy with his gladiator tournaments on Sakaar.
Rocket clearly thinks the guy is a scumbag, but he has an alibi, as he and Lani Ko Ako were talking to Emperor Stote the whole time.
Mentacle confirms Inndig-O’s alibi, and seems largely disinterested in the murder.
Lani Ko Aki is very upset about the murder, and seems to genuinely want to help, but can only confirm the Grandmaster and Stote’s alibis. Rocket comments that it’s odd, seeing a member of the Sisterhood here when they usually don’t leave their home system, and Aki is excited to tell him at length about the political debate that lead to her being allowed to attend, until Rocket’s clearly regretting even asking.
Emperor Stote considers answering questions to be beneath his imperial dignity, to which Rocket responds that murdering every other member of his family doesn’t seem very dignified to him, and we get a brief explanation of Snarkwar.
Zoralis Gupa is just tired of core planets’ nonsense. He has no alibi, because the representatives of richer and more important worlds aren’t interested in talking to him.
Nymbis Sternhoof is calm and professional and very much not prepared to put up with Drax’s antics.
Rocket tries to make something of the fact that the Shi'ar and the Kree were at war until recently, but Araki Davari was talking to Nymbis the whole time.
As the Guardians are comparing notes on the interviews, the results of Val-Lorr’s autopsy comes in from the station’s doctor, with the last result any of the were expecting; Val-Lorr committed suicide. The shot came from his gun, and its DNA records show no one but Val-Lorr had touched it.
Disheartened, the Guardians go to get drunk in the Procenium's bar. The entorages of the various delegates are there as well, including the Grandmaster's honour guard. While the others are trying to cheer Rocket up about the lack of progress, Thor approaches the Grandmaster's guard. She initially thinks he's hitting on her and turns him down, but then he asks her if she's a Valkyrie. She ignores him.
Since it was apparently a suicide, the Summit resumes. Rocket refuses to accept that it was a suicide and continues his investigation. As Thor tries (very unsubtly) to question the other delegates, Rocket does background checks on them. He doesn’t get anywhere; all he can find on the Grandmaster is a dating profile, the Nova Empire's records are too well encrypted, and the Sisterhood don't have space-internet.
Drax and Mantis are discussing the case while Rocket is researching. Drax is explaining the concept of a ‘murder mystery’ to Mantis, although it’s clear he also doesn’t understand it. Mantis comments that it’s all a game, which gives Rocket an idea.
As the Council breaks for the day, the Guardians are waiting at the door. They and Thor follow the Grandmaster back to his quarters and corner him, trying to get him to admit that he’d somehow engineered the murder.
The Grandmaster doesn’t admit anything, and seems genuinely intimidated. Just as his bodyguard appears to fight them off, a messenger-bot arrives to tell them that there’s been another murder: Emperor Stote is dead, and it can’t be the Grandmaster’s doing because he was with them the whole time.
While everyone’s milling about, watching the service-bots take the body away, Thor tries against to talk to Valkyrie, but she’s pissed off that he accused her boss of murder with no evidence, and tells him to fuck off.
The Guardians go back to their ship, very disheartened that their only job was to protect the delegates and they’ve screwed it up so badly. As they’re feeling sorry for themselves, there’s a beeping from the computer - the hack on Thoran Rul’s records has mysteriously worked. Rocket’s less interested in how it happened than he is in what he learns: Thoran Rul’s family were all killed by Val-Lorr’s unit during the Kree-Nova war, and he’d lied to the Guardians about it.
They arrest Thoran Rul, but Rocket isn’t satisfied. The delegates order Rul to be held in the station’s holding cell and declare the matter closed. Rocket sneaks into the cells to talk to Rul, who finally tells him the truth. He had been in the bathroom, and had been intending to kill Val-Lorr but Val-Lorr had seen him coming in the bathroom mirrors and pulled his own weapon, but when he pointed it at Rul, the gun had misfired, killing Val-Lorr. Mantis reveals that she’d been hiding in the cell the whole time, and confirms that Rul is telling the truth.
Rocket gets Thor to bring him Val-Lorr’s gun. He tries shooting at Thor, and it works normally, although being Asgardian it doesn’t hurt him. He then tries the gun on Rul, and Rocket only just manages to duck in time to avoid being shot.
Thor and the Guardians meet on the Benatar to try and figure out what’s going on. The realise the only connection is war, any war, whether that’s restarting the Kree-Nova war or starting a Snarkwar.
While they’re talking, Valkyrie finds Emperor Stote’s gun in the Grandmaster’s rooms. When she tries to leave, the Profiteer appears to stop her. They fight, but Valkyrie is able to escape. She heads towards the Benetar, but meets Thor and the Guardians in the corridor. She tells them the Profiteer is here, and Rocket says that he already knows.
Rocket gets Thor to summon all the delegates to the accusing parlour. He explains that one of them is the Profiteer in disguise, and orders Mentacle to mentally scan everyone, while Mantis scans Mentacle to make sure she isn’t lying.
Mentacle accuses Peacebringer of murderous intent, and Peacebringer responds “I am the Chitauri delegate. I will bring peace. Please await your deaths” and reveals that he’s actually a walking bomb.
While the rest of the Guardians try to stop him from detonating, Rocket continues his Poirot moment as though nothing has changed. He goes around the room, setting out the evidence against everyone.
The Grandmaster is clearly enjoying the hell out of this whole thing, encouraging Rocket in his theatricality. In the background, Peacemaker is repeating “I apologise for the delay. Please await your deaths” while Drax tries to pull his head off.
Finally Rocket reaches Lani Ko Aki, pointing out that while everyone else had flinched when Peacemaker was revealed, all except the Grandmaster, an immortal, and her. Because she’s also an immortal.
Lani Ko Aki drops her disguise, revealing herself as the Profiteer, and congratulates Rocket on his deductions, seemingly totally unphased at having been caught.
Rocket tells her she’s under arrest, but she just laughs, asking what authority he has to arrest an Elder of the Universe. When he’s forced to admit that he probably doesn’t, Inndig-O says that he might not, but she does. The Kree legal code states that “wheresoever a Kree sets foot so shall Kree law hold sway”, and Val-Lorr might have been her enemy, but he was an honourable Kree officer, and the Sons of Koth will prosecute her to the full extent of the law.
The Profiteer says that it’s a shame to kill them all when it won’t make her any money, but she’s started Snarkwar so she’s got what she was looking for - a new arms market to exploit. When Inndig-O goes to restrain her, Profiteer just laughs, and asks them if they have any idea who owns the space station they’re on, to which Rocket tiredly responds “it’s you, isn’t it?”
Profitteer presses a button on a device she’s wearing on her wrist, and the doors open to reveal the service bots that have been present throughout the movie crowding in. She orders them to kill everyone, and their eyes go red and their hands turn into knives and drills and other assorted weapons.
A big old fight ensues - Zoralis Gupta is trying to disarm Peacemaker, with Drax defending him while he works. Rocket is trying to fight to get to the Profiteer, but there’s too much chaos. Just as it looks like he’s about to grab her, she grabs the Grandmaster to use as a human shield, holding a gun to him.
He calls for Valkyrie to save him, since she’s his body-guard. The Profiteer stabs the Grandmaster and starts to teleport away, but Rocket shoots out her teleporter, and then Valkyrie throws her sword overarm, stabbing the Profiteer through the heart.
Zoralis Gupa’s attempts to disarm Peacemaker are not going well. One of the server-bots jostles him at the wrong moment, and he cuts the wrong wire, causing Peacemaker’s timer to start counting down even faster. Everyone panics, and Thor uses Mjøllnir to summon lightning, frying Peacemaker’s circuits and destroying it. Zoralis Gupa asks how he knew that would work, and he replies that he didn’t, but since it was going to explode anyway, it seemed worth a try.
Valkyrie rushes to the Grandmaster’s side, only to discover that he’s bleeding but not mortally wounded, and was just being a drama queen. Frustrated, both with his carrying on, and with his involvement in the murder of two people, she resigns as his bodyguard.
Thor tells her that, as a Valkyrie, there will always be a place for her on Asgard, and she says she’ll think about it.
Later, as the Guardians say goodbye to Thor and Valkyrie, Quill and Gamora arrive back from their vacation (complete with Hawaiian shirts and straw hats). As they greet their team-mates, in the background we see the bodies being taken out, and the destroyed remains of Peacemaker, and Quill comments that it looks like they had fun without them. Mantis comments cheerfully that at least they got money, which is when it hits Rocket that if the Profiteer had owned the Proscenium, they won’t even get paid.
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